Monkey As the Rest of Us
by Lady Cravenheart
Summary: This discussion is long overdue. / A heart-to-heart about the events of Soul of Evil.


So, youareshauni and I were talking in the Hyper-Server discord group, and she mentioned that Antauri's move to go after the skull during Wormhole was… kind of senseless. I mean, it was going to get blown up with the Worm, right? And then I mentioned the idea of Sprx and Antauri having a heart-to-heart over it… and one thing lead to another. So here's a fic :P

I was listening to Ruelle's Dead of Night for most of this. It has nothing to do with the story, but I don't usually listen to music while I write so I thought it was worth mentioning. (I also listened to Recover, also by Ruelle. But only 3 times, whereas I think Dead of Night might have repeated more like 6 times. …she's a really good singer, okay?)

Big thanks for youareshauni for going over this for me, and making sure it was good to post!

* * *

 **Monkey As The Rest Of Us**

 _Lady Cravenheart_

* * *

Sprx wasn't entirely sure when Antauri took over as the pseudo "father figure" of the monkey team. Sometime after Chiro took over—that much was clear. But, though it seemed like so long ago, Sprx could still remember a time when Antauri was more distant mentor, untouchable second-in-command than someone you could go to with all of your worries and troubles.

Well, alright, that wasn't true either. Antauri had always been the person they had gone to for heart-to-heart chats. His primary role had once been as advisor. Mandarin had been too anal to let Antauri function as a proper second-in-command, but—at least in the beginning—he didn't mind letting him dole out advice. Mandarin had rarely seen fit to take it, but the others sure had.

But after Chiro, Antauri had become… warmer? More approachable. Down-to-earth? No—that didn't fit. Monkey had his head too far in the clouds, meditating on existential issues or something. Philosophy wasn't really Sprx's thing.

More approachable it was then. And as Chiro wormed his way into the monkeys' hearts, deeper and deeper until it was pretty clear that only open surgery was going to dislodge him, Antauri's distant persona became more cracked and warped until he almost seemed like one of them.

'Course, it sounds cold when you put it like _that_. But Antauri had always seemed like a level above the rest of them. Gibson _tried_ to achieve that, of course, but Antauri had actually _managed_ it, and for the life of him, Sprx couldn't remember when _that_ had happened.

And—well. Alright. So Sprx might have been beating around the bush for a bit. The point _was_ , Antauri was the person they went to for advice, because he was like—Chiro's father figure, their older brother figure. And had all that guru-monk training that made him uniquely qualified to dispense fortune cookie sayings that sounded like they could fix all your troubles. Which was why Sprx was pacing in front of Antauri's door, worrying his tail between his hands and wondering how on Shuggazoom he was going to broach this conversation.

It wasn't like Antauri wasn't aware of his mental state. Sprx wasn't afraid to admit that he'd been brooding up a storm lately. Antauri had approached him with the offer to talk more than a few times, but Sprx had kept brushing him off. He wasn't entirely sure what made him choose _now_ to finally take him up on the offer. Maybe it was the fact that he was spending yet another night staring into the shadows on his ceiling, eyes burning from lack of sleep, dreading closing his eyes and seeing all of the horrifying things that he could have done—that he _had_ done. Maybe it was the fact that sometimes his muzzle still felt wet where Nova's tear had dropped on it. Maybe it was the fact that anytime someone dropped something, he still saw Nova thudding painfully on the ground in front of him. Maybe it was the fact that he couldn't see electric sparks or wires without seeing her arms, busting open link by link under the control of his magnets.

Whatever it was, whatever the reason that had finally dragged Sprx to Antauri's door, time be damned, he was here now—and he was too chicken to knock on the door.

 _Could really use some of that freaky 'I can sense you standing there' mind power right now, Antauri_. Sprx was _pretty_ sure that Antauri wasn't telepathic—but supposedly all of them had the power primate, so maybe that counted for something. Spiritual mumbo-jumbo wasn't really his forte.

Sprx dug his teeth into his lip and, with the lightning fast reflexes that allowed him to call himself the best pilot in the Shuggazoomian star system—or, hell, maybe even in this freakin' _cluster_ —jabbed the button to open Antauri's door before he could think too hard about it.

Again.

The door slid open, revealing Antauri about where Sprx had expected him, hovering three feet in the air in what Sprx was _pretty_ sure was called the lotus position. His back was to the door. Sprx stepped forward and felt the door slide shut behind him. Antauri didn't move, and Sprx shifted from foot to foot. Should he clear his throat? Say something? His gaze flitted about the room before coming to rest on two teacups sitting on a tray, a bowl of sugar and a small pitcher of cream between them. Steam still curled into the air.

It didn't matter how long they had known each other. Antauri's psychic tendencies would never fail to unnerve him.

Sprx walked over to the cushion across from Antauri and lowered himself on it. Antauri's eyes opened, and he blinked a few times; his pupils readjusting to the lighting of the room. After a moment, they cleared, and he focused on Sprx. A smile split across his face, but it wasn't… It was that same stupid smile, the one that bespoke of tranquility. Antauri wore it everyday—or he would wear that stupid blank mask. There was a reason Sprx had taken to avoiding him.

But who else was he going to talk to? He wasn't ready to look Nova in the eye. Not after what he did. Gibson—hah. They didn't get along on a _good_ day, let alone when Sprx was so emotionally raw. (Maybe that was being unfair, but… Gibson wasn't the person that Sprx would choose to confide in.) Otto? No way. Sprx knew that Otto wasn't as dumb or as goofy as he seemed, but he was still too much like a little brother for Sprx to go to him for such concerns. _Chiro_? Kid had enough on his plate without dealing with Sprx's insecurities on top of that.

But he wasn't sure he could handle an Antauri that was a level removed from the conversation. Placid and… and… almost _unfeeling_. It reminded him too much of the post-Mandarin days. Sure, a calm in the storm was what they had needed, but sometimes Sprx thought maybe Antauri had taken it _too_ literally. He'd lost it a couple of times in the intervening years, but… But mostly, Antauri remained distant. One step removed from everyone else's plane of existence.

And somewhere along the way, that had stopped being comforting.

"Sprx." Antauri greeted him, his voice far warmer than his smile. "I was wondering if you were going to come by tonight."

Sprx shrugged. "Hadn't figured that out myself." He nodded towards the tea. "Looks like you had a pretty good feeling, though."

Antauri lowered himself to be more on Sprx's level; coming to hover only a few inches off the ground. Why he couldn't just sit on a cushion as well, Sprx didn't understand. "You've seemed more troubled as of late."

Sprx shrugged again. "Had a hard time sleeping."

Antauri nodded. "You are far from the only one." His smile turns sad. "This war… it hasn't been easy on any of us." He met Sprx's eyes. "All of us are facing difficult thoughts and feelings, but you… are carrying a burden you shouldn't."

Sprx scowled. They were just going to jump right in, were they? "What do you mean I 'shouldn't'? I— Gibson _warned_ me not to touch it and I did. Skeleton King was reborn because of _me_. Because of my decisions."

Antauri shook his head. "No. He wasn't. This was set in motion a long time ago—"

"Don't feed me that crap." Sprx's voice came out harsher than he meant, but he didn't try to take the words back. "About some 'grand plan.' You might believe in it, and that's great—but I don't." He couldn't. The universe wasn't some giant chessboard in which they were all the pawns. It was life. Chaotic and messy, sure, but… Things happened. Sometimes a higher power, like the Power Primate or whatever being was associated with it, manipulated it, tried to set some plan in motion—but that didn't make it inevitable.

Antauri sighed. "Stopping Valina and Mandarin was beyond our ability. Too much of the Dark One's power was imbued within the essences. None of us could have picked them up without succumbing."

Sprx curls his lip. "You could have."

He knows that all of them were thinking it. If Antauri or Chiro had picked it up… there was no way they would have fallen prey to its clutches. Chiro was protected by the Power Primate and thus his status as Chosen One—not to mention his innate goodness—and Antauri was… Well. He was Antauri. All that fancy Mystic training and mental exercises. Probably had a will like iron.

Antauri grimaced. "I am not infallible, Sprx." He said it gently, like he was afraid of the effect his words would have.

Sprx rolled his eyes. "Maybe not, but you do a damn sight better than the rest of us."

Antauri's grimace only deepened. "Sprx… I am just a monkey—like the rest of you. The only difference is in our training. I was taught to keep my emotions in check, to always look before I leap. But I still have my weaknesses, and they can bring me down just as low as anyone else." There was a wry twist to his mouth as he said those last words—and Sprx wondered what he was thinking.

He could ask, but Antauri wouldn't tell him. "Yeah, well. I've never seen it."

Silence fell between them, Sprx picking at the edge of the cushion as Antauri floated thoughtfully in the air. Finally, Antauri spoke again.

"The Fire of Hate was beyond your control, Sprx." Antauri's voice was firmer this time, and Sprx's hackles rose. Antauri didn't think he could _order_ the guilt out of him, did he? "The Dark Ones are named such for a reason. Their influence is far and wide, and they have gained much power throughout the millennia's they've existed. Skeleton King had—has—pieces of them in him, and those pieces were the ones we tracked down. No one, and I do mean no one, could have touched them without feeling their influence. Not even Chiro, Chosen One or not."

Sprx rolled his eyes. "Fine. I couldn't have avoided its influence—but you're not getting the real problem here, Antauri. The problem is—I touched it, after Gibson told me not to. And then? Because I was on their side, because they had a _cybernetic monkey_ on their side, they were able to retrieve the Soul of Evil. Without me, that wouldn't have happened."

"You don't know that. Valina was a talented witch. It was well within her reach to find or manipulate a way through the Netherworld so she could lay her hands on the Soul of Evil."

"Yeah, if she could get out," Sprx crossed his arms. "Chiro only survived because of the Power Primate. You think Valina and Mandarin could've made it out of there alive?"

Antauri closed his eyes for a moment, and there was a vindictive part of Sprx—a part of him that had grown stronger during his time as a minion of the dark—that took pleasure in it. He _wanted_ Antuari to feel frustrated—or uncertain. He wanted him to actually step back and take a look at just what a _mess_ Sprx had been made into. Ripped apart and put back together with all of the jagged pieces pointed out.

He didn't want cold comfort.

(He wouldn't admit it, but… it was times like these he missed Mandarin. He had been a real bastard while he was team leader, but… he wouldn't dance around the issue like Antauri. Actually, he would have gone in for the metaphorical kill the second Sprx was back to being a good guy. Of course, that was assuming that Mandarin would have purified him in the first place. Maybe cold comfort was better, when compared to that.)

"Sprx. You are not to blame for the rise of the Skeleton King. The Dark Ones would have done anything to bring him back. Valina and Mandarin were merely tools to them. When they stopped being useful, they would be discarded and replaced with something new. Something capable of doing what they wanted. Skeleton King would have returned, regardless."

Sprx stared at him. "If that's what you believe, then why didn't you call it off after we found out about the Ice Crystal? Why didn't you listen to Gibson, where I didn't, and _call it off_. Let them go at it, and given us time to prepare?" Sprx knew he was pushing, and pushing hard. But he didn't care. Antauri wanted him to come in and dump this on him? Then that's what Sprx was going to do.

Antauri was fidgeting, now. He was so still most of the time, that the way his hands were twitching restlessly was obvious. "Because… I… No one would have listened. I could have advised it, could have warned all of you—but you would have been insistent on trying."

Sprx snarled. "Yeah, but we would have tried a different way. We would have known not to touch the essences, _for sure_ , as advised by our spiritual guide—and we would have focused on getting the skull." Sprx stood. "And you know what? It would have been easy taking in the Netherworlds. How would the Dark Ones bring back Skeleton King without his skull, huh?"

Antauri's mouth worked, and there was heady satisfaction thrumming in Sprx's veins. Then that mask went up, and Antauri was unreadable again. Sprx snarled before he could stop himself, his hands clenching into fists at his sides.

"The past comes through much clearer than the present. You can see the events that led you to a fateful decision with ease. But the present is far more muddied. We all do the best we can at the time."

Sprx narrowed his eyes. "You're not just talking to me." Sprx circled Antauri, like a shark that's scented blood. "Do you blame yourself, too?" The sentence was strange on his tongue—why would Antauri blame himself for any of it? And yet… It was all Sprx could think of to explain the way he was holding himself.

Antauri's eyes darted away from Sprx. "You are right. I should have called it off. As the second-in-command and spiritual advisor of the team, it was my right. I didn't. Even if I didn't believe that it would have stopped any of you, I still should have tried."

Sprx paused in his circling, standing in front of Antauri. It was weird, looking down at the other monkey. After Antauri had become the silver monkey, it was like a new layer of untouchability had descended over him. He was always hovering, high in the air. He never seemed to eat, or sleep—and it was odd. He wasn't like the rest of them anymore, and while Sprx was grateful they hadn't lost him, he wondered sometimes if Antauri was still their Antauri.

"That's not what's bothering you." Sprx crossed his arms. He was not going to be the only one here who was vulnerable. If Antauri was hiding something, Sprx was damn well gonna find out what it was. "Aren't you the one who's always preaching about how a team shouldn't have secrets from each other?" Though come to think of it, he hadn't actually said that in a while. Not since before his death.

Did new-Antauri have a new policy on secrets, then? Didn't that just figure.

"Sprx, we are not here to discuss me, we're here to discuss you." Antauri's voice was firm, but his tail swished behind him. A monkey's tail would always give them away. Even a monkey as calm and in control as Antauri.

"What if I want to discuss you?" Sprx shot back. "You never talk about _anything_ , Antauri. You know I don't even know your favorite color? I don't know what you do in your spare time anymore either. I haven't seen you settle down with a book in months, or caught you playing chess with Gibson at odd hours of the night, or found you cooking even though it wasn't your night, or anything you used to do." The words spilled from his tongue, each one sounding like an accusation. It was so far from what Sprx meant to talk about, but it needed to be said.

Antauri wasn't Antauri anymore. Hadn't been for a long time—and everyone else seemed content to ignore it. To paint him over with the same black-and-gold guise he had always worn.

But he was silver-and-blue, now, and that meant change. Sprx was done ignoring it, and he was done making thinly veiled jibes meant to provoke. To cause some sort of reaction, so that maybe, just maybe, he could figure out what happened to the monkey that he had once trusted more than anyone but Nova and Chiro.

"Sprx…"

"No, don't try to change the subject. Don't avoid me. You want me to spill all of my crap, then you gotta start talking too, Antauri. This ain't a one way street."

Antauri pursed his lips, but Sprx looked at him with his arms crossed and his brow furrowed, a scowl on his face. He wasn't going to drop this, even if he had to come in every night until long after the war was finished.

"Fine." Antauri shut his eyes. "Fine. I suppose that I, too, have been under some… stress, lately. But—"

"No buts," Sprx interrupted sharply. "You've been under stress since you were resurrected. I want to know _why_."

Antauri rubbed his face. An old tell, one his robotic body had abandoned. Or so Sprx had thought. He was getting to him. Sprx fought a grin. It wasn't the time, however proud of himself he felt. His pilot's instincts warned him he was about to regret pushing—but he didn't care.

"You… are not the only monkey who blames himself for this war," Antauri said begrudgingly. "I have allowed you to shoulder it for far too long, Sprx. You do not deserve to carry a burden that is not your own."

Sprx blinked. He shook his head. Once. Twice. Then reached up and tapped one of his audio receptors. "Did I hear that right? How could _you_ be responsible for it?" Even shock colored his tone in anger, now. Was that a trait he had always held, or was it a remnant of the Fire of Hate?

"Do you remember when we blew up the Dark One Worm?"

"Uh, yeah. Kind of hard to forget, Antauri."

Antauri reached up and rubbed at his eye coverings, smudging the glass. "While the charges were being placed… I went after the Skeleton King's skull. I… was determined that no remnant of the Skeleton King be allowed to exist in any form. I wanted it gone. And… I succeeded. I didn't… I didn't think it all the way through. I just acted. I never even considered the possibility that Mandarin might find it—that Valina could get her clutches on it and restore his form. I… just wanted it gone."

Sprx shook his head again. "But… why?" That wasn't… Sure, he got being angry at the Skeleton King. He was evil, pure and simple. Delighted in the suffering of others. Was planning world domination—or world destruction. Sprx had never been sure. He didn't know if Skeleton King was sure, either. He had caused personal harm to every member of the Hyper Force, and wanted them all dead or on his side. It wasn't exactly _hard_ to find something to be mad about.

But…

The explosives were going to take care of it. Why run off and take matters into your own hands?

Antauri looked away. Sprx was torn. On one hand, he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Antauri's vulnerability. Antauri telling him something he had been keeping close to his chest for entirely too long. Antauri showing the cracks in his armor. On the other hand… his pilot's instincts were right. He regretted it. He knew that under all the calm façade and lofty ideals was a real, live monkey… but knowing was different than being confronted with the evidence of it.

Sprx kept silent, however. He had made his decision. All that was left was to lean into it and hope he could salvage whatever remained of the wreckage.

"When the Power Primate was corrupted, and I went to Koralodal to visit with my former Master… he spoke to me. He… told me that he had seen the 'Chosen One fall to the might of the Dark Ones.' And I…"

Sprx's breath caught in his throat. Shit. Shitshitshit. "You sacrificed yourself to seal the egg…" Not because it was the right thing to do, but because… because if he didn't…

 _Chiro_.

Antauri's lips quirked up in a wry smile. "Yes."

Sprx ran his hand down his face, letting the grooves on his fingers catch lightly on his skin. "Monkey doodle."

Antauri snorted. "Quite."

"So you went after the skull. Alone. By yourself. Knowing that we were about to blow the Worm to smithereens." Sprx's voice was flat. "Because you wanted to make sure, once and for all, that Skeleton King was no longer a threat to Chiro. That Xan's screwed up prophecy wouldn't come true."

Antauri inclined his head.

"Shuggazoom, Antauri. Guess you really are as monkey as the rest of us." At least where Chiro was concerned. "You realize that was really stupid, right? I mean—what were you _thinking_? That new body of yours isn't indestructible. And I really doubt the universe is going to let you come back _again_. Where would we even put you?"

He was slightly hysterical. What could he say? They had already lost Antauri once, and no matter how irritating he could be, he was still Sprx's _brother_. His comrade-at-arms. His friend. He didn't want to lose him over a stupid decision.

And—

Why didn't he _tell them_ about this? He could have told them ages ago, about Xan's prophecy! They were a _team_. A family. They had a right to know when one of their own was in danger. A right to help keep them safe.

But… Antauri had _kept it from them_.

Did he not… trust them?

Was that it? Had they done something to prove they couldn't be trusted? Sprx was pacing now. Had they made Antauri feel like he couldn't tell them things, couldn't come to them when he needed them? How had they not noticed that the second-in-command had something like _this_ weighing on his shoulders? Sprx rubbed his forehead. Because Antauri hadn't wanted them to, that's how. For all that Antauri sucked at video games, Sprx was willing to bet that he was a pro at cards.

Sprx turned to Antauri. "Why didn't you _tell_ us?"

Antauri grimaced. "It's not that simple, Sprx—"

"Uh. Yeah. It is, actually." Sprx crossed his arms. "See, like this—'Hey, guys, you know my crazy ex-master? I think what drove him to the dark side was seeing a vision of the Chosen One being killed by the Dark Ones!'"

"I didn't want to believe it!" The phrase was ripped out of him in a shout.

Sprx stepped back. He could count on one hand the amount of times that Antauri had raised his voice at him or the others. His eyes were wide. He blinked, once—twice.

Antauri put his face in his hands. "I didn't want to believe it," he repeated, quieter, his voice sounding a whole lot more broken than Sprx was comfortable with. "I _don't_ want to believe it. But… I… can't get it out of my head, either."

Sprx grimaced. "So… you're… what? Kid-proofing the war? He's gonna notice if you keep him from going after Skeleton King, Antauri."

Antauri grimaced. "Yes. I know."

Sprx narrowed his eyes. "You weren't thinking of running off again, were you?"

The silence was far more telling than anything Antauri said ever would be.

Sprx dragged his hands down his face again. "Seriously, Antauri? Aren't _you_ the one who's always on about communication and how important it is to working as a team?"

Antauri winced. "I—"

Sprx held up his hand. "Nope. Nuh-uh. I'm not listening to anymore excuses. We're big kids, Antauri. I know Mandarin was tough on all of us, and you had to step up—and seriously; thank you for that. But that was a long time ago. We don't need any more secrets. Especially right now. So if you've got anything else to 'fess up, now's the time."

"Not if either of us wants to get any rest it isn't," Antauri said, wearily. "And we haven't even talked about what you went through after touching the Fire of Hate."

Sprx snorted. "Something tells me we're going to be having a lot of midnight chats. Maybe we should invite the others. Throw a party. Discuss all our issues. Maybe actually work as a _team_ for once."

Antauri sighed. "That would entail leaving Chiro out at least one of those nights, you know. Maybe a lot of them," he said sadly. "He doesn't need to know about Xan's prophecy."

Sprx grimaced. "No, he doesn't. Kid'd blame himself almost as bad as we do." He sighed, and sank back down onto the cushion. "Hell, Antauri. How'd we get ourselves into this mess?"

Antauri chuckled. "I have no idea."

Neither of them knew that just outside the door, a wide-eyed teenager was listening, his heart caught in his throat.

* * *

Re: Antauri and the tea. He had no idea that Sprx would be showing up that night, but he gets a lot of midnight visitors. Well, generally it's just Chiro—but sometimes Gibson, when he works too late. But if Sprx wants to think that he knew that he was coming, then by all means—Antauri's going to let him. It'll be a while before he really admits that, 90% of the time, he's as clueless as the rest of them.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it! :D Come check me out on fanfiction/AO3—or on Tumblr, as ladycravenheart or livvywrites!


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